Nearing the End

I'm sitting in the library, finishing up my take-home finals, and it hit me, i don't think i have ever written anything on the blog, or in my journal about school here. The reason i am here, and i've neglected to mention it completely. The only explanation i have, if you can call it one, is that i've been so buys soaking up the cultural experiences that i put the experiences that where at least in some fashion similar to my "normal" life, that i didn't find it interesting to divulge. But the fact is, majority of the experiences i have had that are cultural, i was able to do so by the people that i met at the campus. Especially Ajan Jim. I will miss her quite a bit, she is one of the most genuine people, caring, and very passionate about what she does. At the end of her last Thai class that i was auditing, dana and i gave her a classic, peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich. (there was one day that the three of us where teaching and Ajan mentioned she had never tried one) I couldn't believe how happy Ajan was, she was truly touched, surprised and in a way stunned that this was actually happening. She clasped her hands and brought them up under her chin like a little girl and gave us the biggest eyed look of happiness i have seen in quite a long time. I am very lucky to have met Ajan, she made my experience here. Classes, well what i say when most people ask me, Thailand is much more of a cultural experience than an academic one. However having said that, i feel the teachers where very knowledgeable about their subjects, and many passionate (some overly so) to the point where we jsut couldn't follow their train of thought. The cafeteria, now i wish we had that part back in st.louis, i'm telling you, fresh vegetables and fish cooked to order everyday, and always given to you with a smile! Not to mention you can get full from a dollar. But i have a feeling i'm going to be missing the flava in my dishes; i'm telling you, sauces, don't discount them. I know i'm going to get home and wonder if i was actually here at all. I'm already starting ot feel that way and i haven't even left yet. It seemed so long in the middle, but looking back, looking back. I dont' know how to describe it. True, it follows the cliche, but yet there is another intangible aspect. As if there is a fog over the last four months, already it seems a part of my distant past, a past i can't be sure i actually was a part of it was so surreal. Surreal, i guess that's the word i'm looking for. This certainly isn't my goodbye, but it's a taste of it. Shoot, i have 25 hours on a plane for that one, whooo baby!

Monks in Passing

i'm not sure what it is about this one, but i am kind of enthralled with it.

Reggae fest!

Well it's been a little dull around here this weekend in comparison to my last four weeks of escapades. Just reading by the pool and the ocean (a hard life, i know). But last night made up for it. who would have guessed that one of the top three music festivals in Thailand was at our very own, Hua Hin beach? It took about two hours to get there, on what would normally be about thirty minutes, because the traffic was so horrendous. Taxi's were charging an exorbitant amount for the ride too. Luckily we happened to snatch a green sorngtao (the converted trucks with seats in the back, the green ones are 10-20bhat per person [change!]) that wasn't jammed packed like all of the others, you'd see them go by and it looked like it was going to flip over backwards because there was so much weight in the back. Shuffling among a mass of people, we finally made it to the beach, big screen televisions adorned the shore. What was the dance floor? The OCEAN! I was up to my knees in water, and when waves rolled by, basically we were drenched from at least the waist down. And my friend Lwando was so nice in mentioning that we where probably dancing in the piss and vomit of everyone there...great, thanks for that one El! But you know what, it didn't matter, we were all having a great time grooving to reggae/ska...which apparently is really famous and well known for Thailand. I have to say it is significantly better than the other Thai music i have heard here.

Khmer Rouge-The genocide you probably haven't heard about

In our parent's generation, a genocide occurred half way around the world. But because of the victimized country's lack of natural resources, it is likely you have not heard of it. I'm speaking of Cambodia. In the 1970's a man by the name of Pol Pot decided it would be beneficial to him to kill off 1/4 of the entire population. Specifically the educated, so that included all religious leaders, doctors, professors, members of other government affiliations, even students. Personally, this seems like a really stupid plan, but Pol Pot wanted a society in which he could have complete control and power. If he were to get rid of the educated class, who then would question him, he would have a country full of subservient, illiterate, fear abiding citizens. Needless to say he formed the Khemer Rouge, the military group that carried out his murderous tirades. The center of the conflict was the capital city, Phnom Phen. Here i visited the killing fields, as well as Tuol Sleng (S-21) the prison, now the genocide museum (which i really don't think they changed much from what it was like, the floors and walls where so grimy you questioned if any diseases where still lurking, waiting for a host). Visiting these places and then the fact that begging children and poverty where around every corner, it was a sobering and quite depressing vacation, but one i'm glad i was able to bear. The killing fields are nothing elaborate. YOu walk in, straight ahead is a large stupa, erected to house all of the excavated skulls of the victims the found in 1980. A monument, that forever entombs the victims in their place of final agony. Perhaps that is too harsh an observation, needless to say, you were faced with a physical pain you cannot describe to any other. As if your body has an automated desensitization to the things you know your heart couldn't handle, you become immune, but by that it is simply numbness. Humanity seems implausible. Life is defined by something else in this moment. And as you walk along the barbed wire fence, you can't help it but break in half again when you find out that only half of what you walked was the actual size, the other half, still to be excavated. Bamboo barricades marked off the perimeter to mass graves of naked women, headless soldiers, and a single grave for over 450 victims. Bones, teeth, and clothing shards still poke their way out of the ground. You crouch down to catch your breath, only to find you are standing on the nameless remains. How can you describe this? How can person fathom, even perceive the idea of beating children to death against a designated tree until their skulls crack? Then Tuol Sleng was the next day. The prison where victims where kept until they were deemed ready for the execution. This prison, was once a high school. The yellow and cream tiled floors are still intact. Barbed wire encases the front so that no hopeless victim could commit suicide from the second or third floor. Single wrought iron beds were left in their empty rooms, sparse save for a single picture of the torture that when on in them. Again, bones of victims, skulls, clothing, torture devices. All was still in place. The Vietnamese (termed as the Youns-derogatory by the khemer rouge) saved the Cambodian race. If you're interested read First they Killed My Father by Uong. And remember, this was only 30 years ago.

Where children live a different life

We made it to Cambodia people liked to wonder and say, how could it be that much different from Thaiand? Well let me tell you that in the short span of a few hundred yards you definately see a change. First off, the country itself is on a far lower level of the poverty line, the surroundings look as if the place has been bombed, buildings look abandoned and run down, only they aren't abandoned at all. Red dirt fills the air from far fewer motorcylce drivers, tuk tuks are a combination of the thai version and a rickshaw, a seat attached to a motorcyle. And you truly cannot trust anyone, at least at first. YOu get out of the office to approve your visa and a swarm, iterally like bees of crazy taxi drivers come at you telling you í give you good price' you go siem reap? Then as this is going on in every direction, the guy with a "government" lanyard is saying to take the free shuttle bus to the station and get a place from there, and all the while trying to make a decision between seven people. SO we go with the taxi and hear from the policemen it's a scam but then we know and actually witness the taxi guys paying off the policemen... so yea you can never really know. We get in the car, and a BAD feeling hits not only me but Alec also, pit of the stomach. We saw two of the guys (oh and al of the taxie guys now appear to be working together) pass money behind their backs. Did i mention all of them have abnormally red eyes probably from smoking, or who knows what else. And the restarunt we ate at, you coud order a "Happy Chicken Soup" and you know exactly what i mean because the description was with a pinch of gangya, the slang here for it. SOmehow we made it safe and that's cutting the story down quite a bit. We did Angkor Wat today, a new story in itself. But little children are just as bee-like as the taxi men- asking, pleading with you to buy something from them. YOu feel in-humane, but the only way to get out is if you desensitize yourself. The image that hit me was a chinese mother pulling her 6 year old son, with his neon green shirt, cartoon backpack and little ballcap along as a boy of the same age, dirty clothes and malnurished, was running along beside them, "buy some postcards-10 for $1.

East and West

After spending nearly two weeks away, being surrounded by the life and culture of thailand, and living cheaply as a college student; some of the accommodations being home-stays; i feel that i gained a little bit more of an understanding about basic living in the east. I didn't realize to what extent, until i got back and watched a movie. Don't laugh here, the movie was Fame, but in a way it actually really accurately portrays the societal norm and perception (in western culture) of how we feel we must live our lives. In a way i was appalled. I noticed the drastic differences between the two cultures and found myself hoping that i'd be strong enough to try and implement as much as i could of the eastern way of life i've acquired here into my life when i return home. It will be so easy to fall back into the routine again. I have found that eastern culutre seems to revolve much more around the family and overall happiness. They work, but not to the point that it drives them to a physical breakdown and exhaustion like is so common in the united states. The US as a society seems ot me to be driven by success. But then there is the argument of the cost of living in both places, true, it is a LOT cheaper to live here. You can see that by the two dollar water bill i have for a month. and i have yet to have to pay for electric. You can eat a meal out for a dollar, and if i had a kitchen could cook for even less on average. But what is it that really makes the eastern way of life so much more appealing, is it even attainable in the united states? Did we create a world like this for ourselves? Happiness is easy to find. I am not the sole person to say this. Every thai i have interviewed for my independent study has verified the same thing. If i were to ask you that, my western friend, would you say the same? I'll bet i'd have a different ratio. So the challenge i am placing before myself is to attempt to integrate portions of the life i have come to observe here, and partially embraced for myself here. And once i have my own place, it could be a couple years down the road, but when that day comes, hopefully i will remember the experiences i have had, the people i have met, and the lessons they've told me, and somehow find a balance between these and those that my parents,and my society have ingrained me me for my life up to this point. The lesson that really struck me was from Mam, the yoga instructor in Pai, she teaches her daughter to give more than she has. How can you do this? Here it seems plausible, in my western environment, i would soon be giving my spot on the city street sidewalk.

I'm in the future!! HAPPY 2554 SONGKRAN!

Sorry everyone, i realize i haven't been up to date on my postings for a while. But have no fear, i am alright, despite heightened political riots and tensions in bangkok, i am far away from any danger. That is unless you consider being drenched by water, pummled by it being propelled in every possible direction over and over again for the last three days a battle zone, then yes, i am in the line of fire! But seriously, this is THE greatest holiday EVER!!! everyone just expects to get wet, and you can't do anything about it, and when i say wet, it is completely soaked. YOu never thought this would be said, but because of the ice cold water some people have in the back of their pick up trucks, you actually end up with goosebumps, GOOSEBUMPS people! in the middle of the hottest month...in THAILAND! Who would have thought? But on my travels up north we took a side trip to the small provinces of Phrae and Nan, two rarely seen areas by tourists, and we where some of the very select white people there. Phrae was very quaint, and i stumpled upon a large group of red shirts watching as their party leader made a speech in bangkok from a large screen...i sat down wiht them and they offered me so much, again i was a celebrity, but the beautiful thing was is how truly lovely these people are. i'll share more on that later. but Nan was, to me, Thailand's DaLat, quaint people, many from working tribes and lands, sincere and eager to help us out, and for us to help teach them some things. THere were two increadible wats here; one completely out of white stone and the other housed 100 year old paintings on the inside. Some of them still very much in-tact, and others sharing only small remnnants of what once was.